i am really tired of excuses and friends that aren't friends...so i am slowly slipping back into a time where i relied on only myself.

forget friends, they just drop you the second they have something more important to do.

blah.

amazing. prison break! can not wait, seriously. and HEROES! It's going to be great. Tonight they "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World!" <3

study for bioenergetics and metabolism midterm.
buy plane tickets to colorado for thanksgiving.
finish gettin my house unpacked.

but first...it's 10:38 and it's time for bed.
i don't think i've stayed up past 11:00 in a week.

egghausted.


ps. yesterday, the guy that worked at starbucks drew a heart by my name on my cup...lol.

so wednesday, thursday, friday = absolutely insane. i had this huge human cardiovascular system lab report to turn in. i got a bit of a late start with moving and having no internet and all. but i started wednesday and got a fair amount done. the lab report was due on thursday at 6 pm, so i was typing away all day long and i was making really good progress. i had about 4 more pages to type, which isn't as much as it would seem, when i decided to take a break and go to the bathroom. well, somehow....while grabbing a paper towel to dry off my hands i managed to slice open my finger on the paper towel holder...yeah, who does that happen to? that's just stupid. it was bleeding all over and there was no way i would finish the report in time. it was all a huge hassle. i was supposed to turn it in the next morning at 10, but realized that i had a funeral to go to for my grammy's boyfriend joe who passed away :( and so the ta said to meet him in the office at 530. ryan brought me, and when we got there, all the doors were locked and the lights were out. i was so upset i just wanted to sit and cry. i finally got it all turned in via email. but it was just such a pain. it ended up being 22 pages long....eeeeek. now i have a midterm tomorrow for neuroscience and a bioenergetics midterm on thursday :( eeeeeeek. i have been so busy. but after thursday, things will calm down and i can catch up with everyone! <3

So yesterday I get a text message from Kim, we needed to meet up to deal with a bill that neither of us knew about. This happened one day that I finally decided to delete her and elena from my myspace friends list. Which might seem silly, but I fought with myself for weeks about doing it. After my talk with Elena it was evident that we are no longer friends, and from the impression I got I felt that the same was true with Kim. But yet, when Kim and I met up we talked for quite awhile. She was really nice, and obviously I was nice in return. I know that my kindness was genuine. As angry as I am, I still care. Even when I try not to care. Maybe this was a wrong assumption, to assume that Kim shares Elena's feelings, I don't know for sure. But I never know how to read Kim, and I don't know how much of my feelings that her and I are no longer friends comes from Elena's interpretation of the situation. I don't know how I feel about Kim, and I don't know how she feels about me. She has always put on a happy face and pretended everything was fine, but how true is that? I feel as though, to her my friendship was never worth the real effort of communicated with me, especially when communication was so necessary. And when we did communicate, I felt as though she told me that she felt one way when she may have really felt another way. I don't really know. All I have had to go off of was the seemingly happy face she put on as I believe things to be fine between us and then I have Elena's interpretation of the events. Which don't match up? And which I believe Elena's version to be entire scewed and full of holes, evident by the absolutely conjured and ridiculous latest and significantly changed version of something that happened in high school, and evident gaps in history.

Where do we really stand? And should I even worry about it? This whole thing has been so emotionally draining already. And the way that Elena has twisted the entire situation it is difficult to discern fact from fabrication. So I don't know. It is not like me to give up on people, it's probably my downfall. But I just don't really know.

Huge lab report due on Thursday....eeek!
So much homework.
Two midterms next week.
Must do well.
School is going pretty well.
Physiology lab is craaazy.

NEED to lose weight...seriously.
I think I've gained at least 10 lbs. since accident.
That's NOT okay.
I am NOT happy with how I look.

Moving is crazy!
We still have lots of stuff to get in.
We got a sweet deal on a couch at ikea though.
The red Corduroy Ektorp sleeper sofa.
But I am happy with how my house looks.
I absolutely love it.
I can't imagine a better place.

We had a fun day with Ryan's Dad, Step-mom and little sister yesterday.
I really miss Heather.
I felt bad I had to cut our quick conversation short the other night to investigate open back door.
I miss being close to Alison to hang out on a whim.
But I have been having oodles of fun with Alicia!
Seriously, we had a blast on Friday!
Nest stop! Roller King in Roseville!
It's great having 2 x's Alicia Fridays.
I have never had a friend with the same name.

I've been working a lot.
I love Claire.
I am thinking of working at Sears for the Holiday season to earn some extra $$
My computer died.
I need a new one.
I think I might go today and charge it to student account.

Ryan got his good job. I am so proud <3

I am going to post more about this later, and probably add some cool pictures and such once Ryan has uploaded them...but for the time being...

I HAD SO MUCH FUN THIS WEEKEND.
I haven't slept in my own bed since Thursday night :P
Hehe.

<3